I Must Celebrate and Pay Homage...

Happy Birthday Kurt...you would've been 43 by now...

I know I am a few days late but I was on vacation during his birthday and without a computer. I have been contemplating on wether or not to post this but I just felt like I had to. Kurt has always had his own personal home in my heart since I was 11.

The music that started it all for me....

I remember vividly this particular issue of Rolling Stone magazine that came out right after his death. I used to have a copy but was lost when my mom transferred homes while I wasn't around...It was dear to my heart.

My adolescent stage was a rocky period for me. I did not go through it gracefully. It was pockmarked with trouble and uncertainties. I was experiencing emotions I was not capable of dealing with yet. A lot of days were spent alone in my room, mulling things over while submerging myself in music and sometimes the occasional joint or pint. Music was my saving grace and I found both my voice and refuge through the lyrics of Nirvana.

Kurt was a reluctant hero for the youth of my decade. Through his music we found release and acceptance. An exclusive club for outcasts and street urchins. Yes it was not cool that he killed himself in the end and it was quite dumb for all those other kids to commit suicide themselves after hearing news of his death but that is just the way things are and being where I was at the time I could totally relate and sympathize. Contrary to popular belief, Kurt was actually a very sensitive introvert whose heart was too gentle and meek for this world. He was not a macho rockstar and he never even really wanted to be one. He was an antithesis. He wanted to create music, not be a superstar. While writing those songs, he never expected that their popularity would shoot out of proportion. He was not prepared for all the gossip and allegations directed towards them.

To me, Kurt was more than just an idol or rock icon. He was my brother-in arms. When I was lonely, he would tell me it was okay. When I was angry or trudged upon by people, he would scream out a huge "Fuck You!" for me. His death was a gigantic blow to my very young and innocent existence. I remember crying over him in my room. I lit candles and paid my own "personal style" novena to him. It was a moment filled with anguish and frustration. Why did he give up at such a young age? It was unfair that he left "us" to deal with the bullshit alone.

It's been years since then. I have matured a lot and I have finally found myself. I am at my happiest. It was a rocky journey getting to where I am but I have learned a lot from my experiences getting here. Kurt was the force that pushed me to explode when I needed to. Without those explosions, an implosion might have happened instead. I needed release and he gave me that. Kurt Cobain is a remarkable artist. A genius of his time. I would like to recall him as that. Let us celebrate his life and his art rather than his death.

He was not just the frontman for Nirvana. He was a father, a lover and a son. A person just like you and me who needed to be heard and understood.

We Will Remember...February 20, 1967-April 5, 1994